Artist

A struggle I’ve faced for a while is to believe that my dreams for vocational pursuits and my skill sets are valuable even though they’re all more artistic in nature. I used to pray daily that God would change me to give me a mind or a desire to do things that “mattered more,” such as being a doctor, lawyer, first responder, military officer, engineer, scientist, inventor, etc. I felt like I couldn’t really be a contribution to society if I wasn’t actively helping people in those ways, but now I know that’s not true.

One particular day as I was wrestling and praying about this, I realized something– I would be TERRIBLE at any of those jobs! God hasn’t changed my mind, abilities, or desires and though, if I had to, I’m sure I could make it work, as it stands, I would not be contributing more to society by trying to drive in other people’s lane. In fact, I realized, my love for the creative allows me to contribute some special things of my own and while, yes, I might not save anyone from a burning building, I can still impact people in my own small way. Recognizing this humbled me deeply as I recognized that ultimately we all only have small contributions to make with whatever lot we’re given and we must hold the tension between recognizing how necessarily special and frivolously small our gifts are to the world around us.

I wrote this poem a while ago but just found it again yesterday and added some more to it. I love finding old poems because it’s cool to interact with things I’ve made in the past as if I’m experiencing it for the first time. It allows me to be somewhat a consumer of my own art, critiquing it and enjoying it as if someone else made it. Without further ado, here is my poem (that I don’t particularly enjoy the title of so feel free to shout out a new one), “Artist”–

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I can’t solve World hunger or get you to the moon, but I can find 1,000 different ways to tell you I love you.

I can’t make your heart start beating, but I can make it start beating fast,

I can’t help you live forever but I can make memories that will last.

I can’t legally defend you in court,

But I’m the kind of person who would try.

I cannot think up new equations,

In war, I’d be the first one to die.

I can’t say I have much to offer, I’m just really (sometimes overdramatically) reflective

And maybe I can’t save the world, but I can offer it many perspectives.

Don’t trust me to give you an open heart surgery,

But do trust me with your open heart.

I don’t know how to stop a burglary,

But I know how to suffer well when life falls apart.

Chances are, I’ll never build a rocket—

Never make new technological advancements.

I probably won’t develop any cool new applications or give the internet grand enhancements.

But I’ll write stories about the moon that will make you feel like you’ve seen it.

And I’ll develop ways of connecting to other people and the world that will make you excited to be in it.

I’ll take you on adventures you didn’t think you could have. When you doubt, I’ll make you believe.

I’ll teach you to appreciate, communicate, love, enjoy, hope, live, and dream.

It’s rather humbling to recognize that on one hand I really don’t have much to give,

But on the other hand I might have exactly what someone else needs to live.

So I guess I’ll just keep creating, random poems, pictures, ideas, words.

But I won’t worry too much about shaping history, I’ll just be thankful for being here first.