Sometimes I run away from you when you’re hurting, but it’s not because I don’t care.
It’s because I’m scared.
I have this way of loading my backpack where I put my books in the bottom and then I add your cinder blocks on top and before I know it I’ve walked 5 miles
but I’ve gained 5 piles
of backpacks too
and I don’t know what to do
because I’m so full
of stuff!
and I reach my destination but no one can even see me under my pile of stuff.
There are so many backpacks and so much to unload.
By the time I finally get to my books, it’s like watching the 5th episode
of a TV show at 2am when it has a great plot
but your brain is too dead to give it a thought.
So I’m sorry
that I ran away from you when you were hurting. It’s not because I don’t care.
It’s just that I was scared I might lose myself by taking on your pain.
How can I stand under your rain cloud without always standing in your rain?
How can I empathize with you without holding things I wasn’t meant to hold?
How can I resist being part of an auction in which I’ve already been sold?
How can I justify paying this fee?
How can I love you without hurting me?
I know there’s a way.
I know there’s a way.
I know because I’ve done it before.
I know there’s a way.
But I can’t remember it today.
So our relationship inches ever closer to the door.
How can I love you without being your I.V.?
Is it even love if it’s co-dependency?
I’m sorry I was scared that I might lose myself by taking on your pain.
How can I stand under your rain cloud without always standing in your rain?
How can I empathize without holding what wasn’t mine to hold?
How can someone so small and fragile learn to be so bold?
I see my heart beating in my finger tips while I see yours on your sleeve
And I hold my breath because I’m nervous about what might happen if you sneeze.
Maybe my lungs will move over and my rib cage will expand,
So that I’ll have somewhere to put it once you place your heart in my hand.
How can I love you without being your I.V.?
Is it even love if it’s co-dependency?
How can I stand under your rain cloud without always standing in your rain?
I’m so sorry I ran— I was scared to inject myself with your pain.
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