Two Face

If you aren’t honest with yourself, how can you expect to be honest with others?

For years you’ve looked in the mirror while wearing glasses with a certain prescription called “selective sight.” And you looked at who you wanted to be, a “slightly” more ideal version of who you actually are, and that’s who you decided to see even though your actions were not in line with your perception of deception.

In reality you didn’t value the things your Clark Kent persona would have you think you did. So whether you admitted it to yourself or not, you’re not even Bruce Wayne, you are Two Face. You told yourself you valued purity, holding onto a more innocent you who once had high standards for sexual intimacy and would never be someone with a substance abuse problem.

You programmed your glasses to see yourself as the person who still valued those things so you didn’t even notice the ways your life was becoming perpetually warped with nights of meaningless sex and substance abuse problems. Sure you had slipped up but those were just moments, you still valued everything you told yourself you valued… Right?

Wrong. In the brief moments you took your selective sight glasses off and caught a glimpse of the deteriorating half of your face in the mirror you were filled with so much shame. And it was just powerful enough to hurt you which meant you would shut off your brain. You couldn’t even consider the surgery it might take to make that side of your face look human again because your mind wouldn’t let you imagine the pain you’d have to endure. Regardless of your great attempts to escape pain, those moments hurt you just enough to remind you how much you hate hurting. So you would turn your face to the suave side, slide on your glasses back on, and pour yourself another drink, light another joint, touch another girl.

Repeat.

And you know what, ultimately those choices are very much yours to make but it wasn’t the choices that cut you so deeply, it was the deception. You saw yourself with the complex of Clark Kent and Superman or Bruce Wayne and Batman but you are Two Face. And until you can own that who you’ve been and who you want to be aren’t the same person at all, you will continue to be Harvey Dent, flipping a coin to decide the fate of important life values and daily decisions—Two Face.

If you want to keep sleeping around, living high and wasted then you have a right to that choice but don’t kid yourself into thinking you’re living some other lifestyle. Tell yourself the truth. & stop hiding your true self from the people you love. If you want to make different choices, they’ll be there for you, or if you want continue in these choices, at least you’ll feel the freedom of owning them instead of shamefully tucking them under your bed. Shame likes to hide you in the dark and make you feel like you’re unworthy of love which is the opposite of truth. The truth is, even if you make choices that go against values you once had or others had for you, you are still just as worthy of love as anyone else— but you’ll never see that if you’re not honest with yourself. Then you have to be free enough in the decisions you’ve made to tell others the truth. Otherwise, you’re just Two Face.