In high school I would get these terrible headaches and stomach pains that seemed to have no trigger. It turned out that they were a result of having pent up emotion that was taking a toll on my body. As a result, I learned that I needed to physically process emotions (particularly negative emotions) in order to keep my body healthy. Sometimes this means taking time to explicitly process events and situations even in seemingly cheesy ways. In this post I want to share a letter with you that I wrote recently AND share about the ways that this writing method can be a healing process in hopes that you might be able to utilize this as a tool for yourself.
Aside from poetry, letters are some of my favorite things to write. Letters to people, things, myself— anything. It’s an incredible way to process, heal, and observe. The following letter is addressed to a combination of two different people, though both are referred to as “you,” as is a common practice in my writing. Combining addressees and naming them “you” is one of my favorite methods to use in letter writing because it helps me process a series of things by personifying them in order to connect them through a common theme, idea, or storyline. Another example of this is in the post I wrote, “A Letter to My Pain Part 1” where I felt burdened by a mosaic of relationships and situations, yet I was able to process them by speaking directly to this myriad of moments as if it were all one person.
I keep toying back and forth with the idea of sharing the identities of the addressees in this current letter or maintaining their anonymity. I like the mystery of it all because I think it helps keep the flow of the letter, but I also think knowing specifically who I’m talking to could help add detail that would significantly impact your perspective of the piece. Okay, let’s go with the best of both worlds after reading it through once, if you think it might behoove you to know who I’m addressing in this letter, just send me a message and I’ll tell you! It’s not long, here goes:
Dear you,
I appreciated the vulnerability of your mess so much it made me wonder if I should be more vulnerable with my mess too.
I thought about it and I think the answer is no for now.
Not because I couldn’t or even because it might be too hard, but because I know a thing or two about vulnerability and two of the most important things about it are that
2. vulnerability can lead to, but is not synonymous with intimacy,
and I don’t want to develop a fake sense of deep connection with people by means of deceptive oversharing. I’m not saying that’s what you’re doing— I don’t believe you are— but for me, that’s what I’d be doing if I tried to follow your lead right now. I want to be as messy as I’m supposed to be and share it as it’s right.
Sometimes that means a level of rawness that might seem untouchable. And sometimes that means I am thankful for the pages of my life that are shared with the world as a result of the chapters in between them that are only meant to be shared between the two of us. Thank you for always capturing my messiness, teaching me about vulnerability, and developing a level of intimacy that brings us the most genuine connection I’ve ever known.
Don’t ever let me forget you. Don’t ever let me walk away from the realest relationship I’ve had. I know I will be tempted to walk away and I will start to forget sometimes but please— I beg you— always grab my hand before I walk out the door and play me the video of our love story when the rear view mirror of my memories start to grow foggy because I need you more than I’ve ever needed anything. You know that. So never let me go.
No matter what happens between us, the fact of the matter is that I’ll always be impacted by the ways you’ve shared the vulnerability of your mess with me. I used to see you as this put together person. After all, I doubt I’m the first or last person to view you as someone who has been marred by perfection. But everything changed when I saw your messiness. Our love grew because I knew there was a place for me, a place for messy things and that giving me a home inside you means I might also be marred by the perfection of your brokenness. Never let us go, only let us grow, and remind me what’s happening whenever I start to get scared that growing means going– that you’re never leaving my side or taking your love away, just shoving old things aside to make a bigger room for me to stay.
Forever and always,
Emma
- Pick a purpose or a subject— both of these need to be picked but it doesn’t matter which is picked first.
- Purpose would mean why are you writing it?
- Are you looking to find healing?
- Is there a specific event, mood, season of life you need to process?
- Are you wanting to do some generic creative writing?
- Other?
- Subject is related but more poignant especially depending on your purpose.
- If you are wanting to write just to get your creative juices flowing, you might just kind of pick a random topic (i.e. Spring, home, friends, my best day, fun family memories, etc.).
- If you are writing more to process something specific, that particular event, relationship, topic, etc. will be your subject (i.e. my significant other, my stress, our fight, I got the job!, etc.)
- Purpose would mean why are you writing it?
- Write!!
- This exercise is particularly helpful for become acquainted with your emotions and/or opinions or desires toward your chosen subject.
- It is designed to push you to say things you wouldn’t normally say. This letter is not intended for the purpose of sending (especially considering it is not addressed to any one thing or person) though you could send it somewhere of course, if you feel that’s applicable in the end. But it’s important to recognize that that’s not the main purpose of it now.
- Whether you tend to have a hard time being naturally open about yourself or you’re more the person who has a hard time not wearing a onesie made out of your heart, this ought to push you. That means it’s going to be very subjective because what’s challenging for you might not be challenging for someone else.
- Put it away for a little while
- Distancing yourself from your writing helps you to come back to it with fresh eyes. This helps you to be less judgmental and more empathetic with yourself. It’s kind of funny to think that empathy is something we’d need with ourselves, isn’t it? Alas, it is indeed an important intrapersonal (self-to-self) skill.
- Reading and beyond
- Read it now and see what you think. Do you have changes to make? Do you want to edit and refine your newly created piece of art, or leave it as is?
- What else should/can you do with it?
- Leave it alone to return to and read.
- Share it on social media… and tag me somewhere so I can read it.
- Further processing? If your piece was about processing something particular in your life, is there anything you’d like to do with it to continue that process?
- For example, if it’s about a situation you feel you need to let go of, maybe let go of your actual writing. Put it in a bottle, leave it somewhere for a stranger to find, burn it, rip it up, and throw it away. If there is something symbolic that you can do to help it represent what your purpose for it was, that can be a fun and/or beneficial thing to do for your mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional wellbeing.
- Other? Be you boo.
Seriously, I sincerely hope some of ya’ll will take this writing challenge. Please share with me if you do it— even if you don’t feel comfortable sharing your writing, just share with me that you did it!
live, learn, love, and leave a legacy,
xoxo
lovinglifeasemma.com 
Girl – I keep a journal of letters to people, places, things, experiences that I’ve had for like 10 years. ❤
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It’s so helpful isn’t it?!
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