2018, a Year of Dream

“Dream” was my word for 2018 and, per usual, it did NOT show up in the way I expected, but it showed up nonetheless and it changed me for the better. Right away in January I saw it show up when I walked out of acting class with tears in my eyes. I let the tears roll silently down my cheeks until I got to my car and couldn’t choke back the sobs anymore. I was crying because I loved it so freaking much and it was frustrating as hell. Lol. “I CAN’T BE AN ARTIST,” I kept telling myself. “Emma, you have to stop liking these creative things because you don’t have what it takes to make the art you want to make and pay the bills you want to pay. Grow up. FIND OTHER THINGS—ANY OTHER THINGS,” I told myself.

For the record, never tell yourself you can’t do what you love. That’s rude and a waste of time. When you love someone and lose them they may or may not come back– but when you love doing something, it will ALWAYS come back. And if you try to keep yourself from doing what you love, you’re only cheating yourself and the world by procrastinating on your dreams.

I had so many dreams fulfilled in 2018. Just to name a few– Graduating college, standing backstage next to Lindsey Stirling, staying in California post-grad, getting the internship I dreamed of for 5 years, finding/realizing people who supported me in ways I never thought possible. And none of them were small dreams either, they were things I had dreamed of, waited for, and fought over for years.

I had so many dreams crushed in 2018. Just to name a few–Graduating college with many answers but more questions, leaving California, prematurely leaving the internship I dreamed of for 5 years, tapping out of relationships I fought for but could no longer sustain, being dreamless, hopeless, and feeling more lost and lonely than maybe ever before.”Dreams are nothing but painful,” I told myself.

For the record, you should rarely deal in absolutes and never give up on the power of a dream. It’s true, dreams are not all sunshine and rainbows but they are powerful and they are not all about you so you ought to pursue them. The journey of pursuing your dream doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. In fact, it will not look like anyone else’s even if you wish it did. So you can take small steps or giant leaps, but if you have a dream, pursue it with faith that the details will show up.

Even though I did have lots of adventure and travel (what’s new), 2018 felt largely like an incubator for all this dreaming and adjusting. I fought to be open to everything that came my way (even when it SUCKED and was so UNCOMFORTABLE) and learned so many new skills and ideas. I rode the waves of each season. I also continued to grow in boldness, putting myself out there in the world in many stretching ways, but I have a grand feeling that 2019 is about taking action and kicking that boldness up a notch (or 10). So thank you, God for walking me through the ride of 2018. I’m really excited for what’s to come. i haven’t felt this good about a new year in a long time. I usually hate to claim things like this for fear of being wrong but I don’t care this time. 2019 is good. I’m declaring it. Here’s to 2019, a year full of Courage.

Lots of love,

Emma

P.S.  I have so many more reflections on the concept of dreaming I could share. If that’s a topic you’re passionate about or love to discuss, let’s chat! Or if you’d like to hear more of those reflections, let me know in the comments below and maybe I’ll do a separate write up.